It’s been awhile since my last entry back in April and a lot has changed. I’d been going back and forth on whether to write this post or not but decided to finally go through with it, in hopes of helping anyone that might be going through a similar situation. The last 6 months have probably been the toughest period of my life. I’m an introvert and private person by nature so opening up for this post is extremely hard for me.

After looking back on my past entries, the one that stuck out was the one on Happiness, what’s it to you? After re-reading, I’ve realized that a good majority of the things on this list have been absent in my life lately. Being the harsh critic that I am with myself, I started to blame a lot of my unhappiness and negative thinking patterns on myself. It’s a really bad habit that I am aware of and constantly working on. For anyone that has gone through this before, there are certain things to say that can help or hurt the situation. From experience, these are a few things/phrases that work and don’t work.

Things that help a friend/family member who is struggling:

–Listen without judgment and don’t try to “fix” the problem. Just being there for the person can make a huge difference. A lot of the time, just letting things out for them will help alleviate things.

-Let them know that you are there for them in whatever aspect they need (call, text, in-person).

-Try to make them smile/laugh. It’s one of the hardest things to do when you’re not feeling great but it can lighten up the situation.

-Don’t pressure them into doing things they don’t feel comfortable doing even if they used to in the past (i.e. having a drink or two to unwind). Offer to do something but add the caveat, ‘whenever you’re ready.’

Things that will NOT help a friend/family member who is struggling:

-Saying things like, ‘it’s just in your mind, it’s just a phase” or “what do you have to be so depressed about?”

-Telling them about everything they have in life and that they should not feel this way. Try to leave out any ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ statements as the person struggling is probably already doing this on their own.

-Saying you don’t look sick or depressed. It is an invisible disease that doesn’t have any outward signs like a broken leg.

I’ve had multiple friends reach out checking in to see how I’ve been doing and have often debated whether I should go with the standard “things are good/fine” or the truth. I think many of us, men especially, are wired from childhood to “stay strong and not show any emotion.” Showing that you need help or are struggling is often viewed as a “weakness” and a big reason why so many don’t open up or reach out. I think with everything that is going on in the world today, we need more openness and vulnerability that sometimes things aren’t okay and that it’s okay.  I recently discovered this Jessie J song “Who You Are” that has been my anthem when I start feeling like shit. The two mantras I’ve been keeping in the back of my mind when things start to feel overwhelming are “It’s Okay Not to Be Okay” and “This too shall pass.”  Special thank you to my sister for being there for me through this rough period. Words cannot express how grateful I am to have you by my side and a shoulder to lean on, I love you!

QOTP: “Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it.” –Helen Keller