As we turn the page to the last chapter of 2020, I wanted to touch on a topic that has been on my mind lately. The older we get, the more ingrained and stubborn we become in our attitudes, viewpoints, and ways. We tend to gravitate towards what we know and what is comfortable without giving much thought into how it is affecting our lives and the ones closest to us. A ‘default’ that I’ve had throughout most of my life has been the attachment to my studies and achievement on my self-worth. Nursing school has been challenging to say the least and has tested my automatic ‘default’ of associating my self-worth with how well I’m doing in school. I recently took an exam and didn’t achieve my goal, literally missing it by 1 wrong answer (out of 70 questions). After the initial frustration and disappointment subsided, I was able to see the bigger picture by asking myself if this was going to matter down the road, in 4-5 years. I wish I could say my mindset and thinking has completely changed and I’m able to be kinder to myself, but there are still some deeply ingrained ‘defaults’ that will take a very long time to heal and overcome.

So what can you/we do to help shift those ‘defaults’ that are doing more harm than good? Here’s what I’ll be working on and keeping in mind as we finish out this unprecedented year.

Recognize the ‘default’ you want to work on

The first and sometimes hardest step is recognizing the problem we want to work on. Maybe it’s our default to win an argument or be ‘right’ every time, reaching for the ice cream when we’re stressed, or yelling at our kids when they don’t listen. For me, one of the biggest ‘defaults’ that has plagued me throughout my life has been my negative self-talk and feelings of not being enough. Many of the aspects that hold me back from living a happy, healthy life stem from this ‘default’ of being my own worst enemy and critic. I’m fully aware of those tendencies and actively working on them by… (incorporating the next step).

Start slow and celebrate the small wins

Change is tough, especially if you’ve done something a certain way your entire life. If you grew up living off of cheap, fried, processed food, you might think that that’s the way it’s going to be forever. After recognizing the issue you want to work on, the next step is to start slow. After making a plan, setting concrete, attainable, and realistic goals will help you stay on track. Swapping a daily soda for carbonated water or opting for a side salad instead of fries can help build new habits and reprogram your thinking and behaviors. You can’t expect to wake up one morning and run a marathon without training, just like you can’t expect to change a habit or way of thinking overnight.

Know that there’s no finish line and you can always start over

The last step in making real, lasting change is recognizing that there’s no finish line to the race. You’re going to slip and fall along the way, it’s part of being human, but the key is to get back up and try again. In the past, I would strive for straight As in school and anything less than a 4.0 GPA was unacceptable to me. I’ve learned through the years that no one really cares or remembers if you got less than an A in any given class. It’s more about learning from your experiences and mistakes that matters in the end.

A default I think many of us can relate to would be our visceral reaction to Trump supporters. Coming out of this tumultuous month from the election, I think the easy and convenient reaction would be to dismiss any and everything Trump. The media has become so divisive over the last 4 years that if you’re not all anti-Trump then something is wrong with you. As much as I don’t want to give the guy any credit, operation ‘warp speed’ looks to be on track to deliver us a safe, effective vaccine for this terrible pandemic we’re currently in. I’m not saying that this couldn’t have happened with another president in office, I’m just saying we can try to take a step back on our ‘default’ thinking and feelings for just a second and things from a more objective perspective. Just some food for thought as we wind down this crazy year.

QOTP: “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” –John Lennon