Anxiety. Tragedy. Ego. Division. Chaos. Uncertainty. Fear. Racism. Selfish. Death.

Community. Gratitude. Unity. Black Lives Matter. Hope. Love. Life. Champions.

20 words to describe 2020 in a nutshell. One of my favorite posts is this end of year reflection entry where I take a look back at the highlights and lessons learned throughout the year. This year was our generations version of WWII that many of us will never forget. It was one of the most rewarding and joyful years I can remember and shifted my perspective on so many levels. For the first time in my life, I feel 100% comfortable with myself, treating myself with kindness and compassion that I thought was never possible. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my bad days but I now have the tools in my toolkit to get myself out of those negative self talk spirals that plagued me in the past. With that being said, below are the 2 main themes that I will take out of 2020.

Compound benefits of meditation

It’s been about 4 years since I began my meditation journey and I can count on one hand, the number of days I’ve missed. Even through the darkest period of my life a few years ago, I was able to sit in silence that I’m now seeing the benefits from. Similar to exercise, you’re not going to see immediate results or become ‘enlightened’ after meditating one day, one week, or even one month. I like to think each day of meditation as a drop of water that I deposit into a bucket. After 1,000+ drops of water, that bucket is going to fill up. Some days, I’m going to need more water than others but so as long as I continue practicing, my bucket will continue to fill up to the point where I will be able to handle anything that life throws at me. Meditation has given me a sense of equanimity in my life and I feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface of training my mind.

Death & Mortality

In a year of setting records, the US topped a record no one wants to hit, 3+ million total deaths. 2020 saw a 15% and 500k+ increase in deaths compared to 2019. The unexpected deaths of Kobe and Chadwick Boseman shook the world and showed us that we truly never know when our time will come. Many of us, myself included, thought Kobe was immortal and was going to live forever. I also believed the Black Panther (Chadwick Boseman) was going to live on for a lifetime, even if it was just in our imagination.

Working at a nursing facility, I was exposed to death more than I have in my entire life. Not including Covid related deaths, there were at least 4-5 residents that passed away that I had directly taken care of at one point. Seeing a resident alive and breathing one minute and gone the next has put things in perspective and allowed me to not sweat the small stuff. Every person you love and care for will be gone one day and you never know when that time will come. So it is our duty and responsibility to live life intentionally so we can leave this world a little better than how we found it.

Now for the award section…

Moment(s) of the year

This is the 9/11, birth of a child, wedding day, death of loved one moment where you vividly remember where you were and what you were doing when it happened. The first moment of the year happened on the gloomy morning of January 26^th, 2020 around 11 a.m. I remember getting out of a massage and reading the text from my college roommate, “so sad about Kobe.” When you see a text like that, your stomach drops to the floor. My childhood idol growing up was gone, so young, so unexpected. The second moment I will remember occurred on the evening of March 11^th, 2020 around 6 pm. I remember ordering dinner on my work break when it was announced that the NBA was put on hold because of the virus and that would later turn the world upside down. You can say this was day 1 of our ‘new normal.’

Post of the year

My goal going into 2020 was to write more for this blog and although I didn’t meet my goal of 2x a month for the year, I’m proud of the 16 entries I did post. After re-reading all of them, ‘The one thing guaranteed in life’ gets the award for this category because it summarizes how I’ll look back on this year. I’ve thought about death and mortality every day for the last 4-5 months, not in an ‘I don’t want to be here’ kind of way but more of a ‘you’re not going to be here forever so make the most of every day and situation’ kind of way. It has put so many things into perspective, allowed me to worry less, laugh, and love more.

Someone recently asked a question that made me rethink the way I view work and life. It read, ‘are you living for your resume or your eulogy?’ To me, this comes down to what you’ll leave behind after you’re gone. Would you rather have people remember you by your job title, how much money you made, the accomplishments you achieved? Or would you rather be remembered by the way you treated others, gave without expecting in return, and most of all, how much you loved others. 2020 was, forgive my language, a shitshow that most people can’t wait to forget. I think we collectively struggled as a community to deal with all the drastic changes thrust upon us 10 months ago but firmly believe that we will come out of this crisis with a new perspective and appreciation for those things we took for granted. Wishing you a happy, healthy, and safe new year. ❤

QOTP: “What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven’t even happened yet.” –Anne Frank