Awareness (noun) – the state of being conscious of something. More specifically, the ability to know and perceive, to feel, or to be cognizant of events.

It is safe to say that for the first 36 or so years of my life, I was sleep walking thinking I knew what it was all about, life, that is. After going through a career transition, coupled with one of the roughest periods of my life, one that I would not change for the world, I stumbled on this book by Anthony de Mello that opened my eyes to a brand new perspective. It woke me up from ‘existing’ as a human to ‘living’ a life that I am excited, proud, and most of all, grateful to have. I’ll share a few excerpts from the book that resonated with me and finish out with a handful of shifts in life and perspective that has resulted after reading this book 2-3 times. Sound good? Cool, here we go.

“What you are aware of you are in control of; what you are not aware of is in control of you. When you’re aware of it, you’re free from it. It’s there, but you’re not affected by it. You’re not controlled by it; you are not enslaved by it. That’s the difference.”

The example that comes to mind for this passage is anger and how when you are aware of your anger, you can catch yourself and choose a different way to respond (response = positive). When you are unaware of your anger, it can control you and your life by making you reactive to things (react = negative). Reacting is like that knee jerk reaction that happens when you bump your knee on the table and yell out “f*ck,’ well at least I do. Responding on the other hand, is being able to take a step back and think about a response to something you don’t agree with, don’t like, etc. See the difference? If we are aware of our problems, there is space for a solution. If we aren’t aware of it, the problem will still be present.  

“Having a lot of money has nothing to do with being a success in life… Our society and culture drill that into our heads day and night. People who made it! Made what?! Made asses of themselves because they drained all their energy getting something that was worthless.”

This is one that has really sunk in with me the last few years as I’ve been transitioning careers and have had to take a step back financially from my previous career. Although my last career paid the bills and provided a comfortable life, I felt my purpose and talent was being wasted on something that I could care less about. After reading this passage, it made me aware of all the BS society covets (money, fame, strong/loud opinions, etc.) and that we don’t have buy what it’s selling. Now I define success on my own terms, not some arbitrary number or label society places for you to be ‘successful.’ Success to means living in peace, being a service to others (especially those in need), and having the autonomy to do what I want.

“The three most difficult things for a human being are not physical feats or intellectual achievements. They are, first, returning love for hate; second, including the excluded; third, admitting that you are wrong.”

The third point, admitting that you are wrong is something that many humans, myself included, struggle with. Before reading this book, I used to think that admitting you were wrong showed incompetence, failure as a person, and was a big weakness. After reading this book, I’ve come to realize that not being able to admit that you are wrong is a sign that your ego is running the show. I now realize that admitting you’re wrong is a sign of strength and helps relieve all the stress and tension of trying to always be ‘right.’ Getting over my perfectionistic tendencies took a lot of work but boy has it been so freeing, I tell you. Get over it, that fact that you have to always be right and your life will drastically change for the better.

Working on myself the last 2-3 years with the help of close family and friends to go along with books like ‘Awareness’ has shifted my perspective and outlook on life in the most positive way. I’d like to share a few of those shifts that I’ve become aware of over these last few years. Please note that these are my subjective opinions and you might not agree with them but for me, it’s what I believe to be true….

The awareness that you can’t be happy in a relationship with someone if you are not happy with yourself.

I know with certainty that if I were in a relationship with someone a 3-4 years ago, it would have ended in a breakup or even worse, divorce. I was NOT happy with myself and not comfortable in my own shoes back then and that would have manifested in the relationship. I am now at a place in my life where I am 100% comfortable in my own skin and have the space to share my happiness with someone, if that’s in the cards.

The awareness that all the childhood trauma (we all have some to a degree) and all the crap you didn’t like growing up will be passed on to your children if you are not acutely aware it and take action to stop it.

An example that I can think of how I felt my father would have loved me or been more proud of me if I had scored X amount of points in a game, had the winning hit, etc. One thing I will be conscious and aware of with my kids is loving them whether they score 50 points or 0 points. They will get my love and admiration regardless of the outcome of the game, how many points they scored, or whether they get straight As in school.

The awareness that the way someone treats you is a direct reflection about how they feel about themselves, either consciously or subconsciously.

People that are happy, kind, and loving don’t treat others like sh*t. People that feel slighted, like the world is against them (it isn’t), who aren’t happy with themselves, or believe you deserve to be treated poorly are going to project how they’re feeling with themselves onto others, usually those closest to them. Don’t take it personally, they just aren’t aware or just don’t want to admit that they are causing their own suffering.    

Book Rating: 4.8/5

Final comments: This book is good for anyone that is looking for meaning in life, trying to improve their mental wellbeing (i.e. getting over addiction), or just trying to understand themselves better. I plan to reread this book once a year to garner new insights as I continue to evolve and grow on this journey called life.

QOTP: “As one man said, “I got a pretty good education. It took me years to get over it. That’s what spirituality is all about, you know. Unlearning. Unlearning all the rubbish they taught you.” –Anthony de Mello