As we turn the clock back and transition from fall to winter, aka cuffing season (definition: during the fall and winter months people who would normally be single find themselves desiring to be “cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship – bet you didn’t know that..cause you’re not single, haha), I wanted to share something I’ve been struggling with lately.  A recent meditation session from my Calm app covered the subject of aloneness.  It spoke about the differences between loneliness and aloneness that struck a chord with me since I wasn’t sure how I was feeling after a recent birthday gathering.  It was great seeing so many familiar faces but at the same time I couldn’t help but notice that I was one of maybe 2-3 people that weren’t coupled up, married or engaged.  It was a feeling that just hit me out of nowhere, kind of like running into a wall.  When a friend asked where my girlfriend was, my reply…

Friend: Where is your girlfriend?
Me: She was just he...re...

Being a natural introvert, I tend to reenergize in solitude with my thoughts but when the feeling loneliness overtakes me, here are some things I’ll use to pull myself out.

• Text a close friend to say hi and see how they are doing.
• Stop comparing what others have (gf/bf, husband/wife) to what I don’t. Do you really know what’s going on anyways or are you comparing their ‘curated/social media’ life to yours?
• Read this article to remind you that you’re not the only single person in this world.
• Reach for that tub of ice cream and watch one of those sappy, lovey-dovey movies, fan favorite!

Here is the exact verbatim of the session on aloneness:  “Loneliness is the desire to connect with another when we feel lonely, we’re craving a real connection.  We could be surrounded by people and yet still feel lonely if our connection with them doesn’t go beyond the superficial.   On the flip side, aloneness can be a positive, fulfilling experience.”  I compare aloneness to solitude and getting to know yourself better without any outside influences or noise.  It’s something I’m constantly working on through meditation and being silent.

There will no doubt be ebbs and flows of loneliness over the next few months, in which I need to just tell myself, ‘this too shall pass.’  So if you’re struggling with something whether it’s a relationship, work or loneliness, know that it’s not permanent and things will get better.

One thing I am grateful for on this journey is the way I am coping with the feeling.  Instead of reaching for something to numb the pain (drugs, alcohol, food), expressing my thoughts and feeling through writing has been very therapeutic.  Happy holidays to you all and don’t forget to take care of yourself first!

QOTP: “Loneliness is the absence of the other.  Aloneness is the presence of oneself.”  -Osho